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"Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo" is episode 10 of Comedy Central's series South Park which originally aired on December 17, 1997.
This episode opens as the school children rehearse for their Christmas play. They are performing a Christian Nativity, and Kyle's mother, Sheila Broflovski, is angered by the play because Kyle, a Jew, plays the role of Joseph (which would have technically been historically accurate). She demands that religious elements be taken out of the public school Christmas pageant. Kyle suggests the non-religious Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo as a replacement, but is dismissed.
Mrs. Brovloski's demands trigger uproar in the town, and so it is decided that anything offensive to anyone will be removed from the Christmas celebrations, including Santa Claus, wreaths, trees, stars, lights, and candy canes. Meanwhile, Kyle feels low for being "a lonely Jew on Christmas," and is embarrassed by his mother's actions. He turns to Mr. Hankey for solace, who, it turns out, is an actual piece of talking poo. Kyle tries to bring Mr. Hankey to the masses, but no one believes him. After flinging Mr. Hankey (who looks like a normal piece of poo to everyone else) at Cartman and slipping more poo into Mr. Mackey's coffee, Mackey declares Kyle a "clinically depressed fecalpheliac on Prozac" and has him committed. Ultimately, the school Christmas pageant is stripped of all semblance of Christmas, as it is all deemed offensive by someone. Instead, the children present a minimalist song and dance created by Philip Glass. The parents, horrified by the terrible pageant, begin blaming one another for destroying Christmas, and a fight breaks out. Finally, Mr. Hankey reveals himself to everyone, restoring the spirit of Christmas. The town releases Kyle and apologizes to him, and they all watch Mr. Hankey fly away with Santa Claus. After the boys wonder what feels missing, Kenny cheers as "The End" appears over him, having not died through the episode. As the end credits roll, Jesus appears, alone and singing "Happy Birthday" to himself.
Song Lyrics EditEdit
Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
We've all heard of Rudolph and his shiny nose And we all know Frosty whose made out of snow But all of those stories seem kind of... gay Cuz we all know who brightens up our holiday
Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo Small and brown he comes from you Sit on the toilet here he comes Squeeze him between your festive buns
A present from down below Spreading joy with a "howdy ho" He's seen the love inside of you Coz he's a piece of poo
Sometimes he's nutty Sometimes he's corny He can be brown or greenish-brown (Mmm Mmm) But if you eat fibre on Christmas eve he might come to your town
Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo He loves me I love you Therefore vicariously he loves you I can make a Mr Hankey too! (fart noise)
Cartman: Well Kyle where is he?
Kyle: He's comin'
Stan: C'mon dude push!
Kyle: Im trying!
Cartman: Oh wait wait I can see his head!
Kyle: HERE HE COMES!! (fart noise)
Mr. Hankey: HOWDY HO! I'm mr. hankey the Christmas Poo Seasons greetings to all of you Let's sing songs and dance and play Now before I melt away Here's a game I like to play Stick me in your mouth and try to say Howdey ho ho yum yum yum Christmas time has come!
Sometimes he's runny Sometimes he's firm Sometimes he's practically water Sometime he hangs off the end of your ass and won't fall in the toilet coz he's just clinging to your sphincter and he wont drop off and so you shake your ass around and try to get it to drop in the toilet and finally it does
Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo When Christmas leaves he must leave too Flush him down but he's never gone His smell and his spirit lingers on....